Well, how would you feel?

Poor old Aaron thought he was going to Stoke......

The New Leg - a short story by Brusselsbliue

Collski and his “new” mates are playing indoor football on Thursday night when the door swings open and in strides this tall figure sporting a newly acquired Spurs retro shirt and gleaming white trainers. “So which one of you f**kers is going to pick me”.

 

They all stare dumfounded.

 

The last they saw of this  guy he needed a stroller to walk around Stillorgan Shopping Centre. Nobody moves until Hobbles coughs and claims he needs a rest and would be happy to sit on the bench. Yiddo goes up top calling for the ball.  It is played in to his feet. Collski tries in vain to go through the back of him (his “special” as the big bully calls it).   Yiddo swivels and  Bullock bursts in to  tears as the ball hits the back of the net. Without another word  Yiddo turns his back on his erstwhile friends and strides out the way he came in pausing at the door to glance back and saying  

 

“It’s that time of the year my friends . The king is born – again”
 

 

 

 

Eight facts

This Chelsea phenomenon is very peculiar.


It is now ten years since Abrahamovic took over, purchasing the club with a total investment of approx £140 million. With their success last night, they have now won eleven trophies in that period, including the Champions League and the Premiership three times. This is an admirable record, despite all the begrudgery.

Fact 1 – money can buy success.

Looking a little further back, it the ten years preceding Abrahamovic’s involvement, they won four trophies – more than Spurs, Everton and Leeds on a combined basis for the same period (Everton – one FA Cup; Spurs - one League Cup). Their victories in this period included the European Cup Winners Cup.

Fact 2 – some of the groundwork was done by the earlier owners and management.

Fact 3 – Chelsea have lorded it over the rest of us for longer than we might want to admit. Our criticism of them buying success may not have deep foundations.

Last night they won the Europa League, a competition they unilaterally derided a few months back, before they were ignominiously dumped into it by Juventus and Shaktar Donetz, two of the current powerhouses in European football. If they claim following yesterday’s victory that they are the first club to hold both European trophies at the same time, they are overlooking the fact that they are also the first Champions League winners to end their defence before the knock-out stages.

Fact 4 – they only sing when they’re winning. Once a meaningless competition, the Europa League now has them swinging from the crossbars.

Fact 5 – Spurs went out of the Europa League in the quarter-finals and Everton didn’t qualify.

Let’s then look at their management, and focus on Chelsea’s infatuation with Mourinho and vice versa. On his part, I suspect the loyalty is to Abramamovic’s billions (on the basis that he’s easily parted with portions of it) and not to the investment bankers who block-book the seats at Stamford Bridge.

But what of the supporters belief that no-one else can do the managerial job for them? Shades of the adoration Fergie has at United but built upon 39 months engagement rather than 312. Since Mourinho left - less than six years ago - there have been eight managers if we include Butch Wilkins who took charge for one game. And we know what happened to him.

Fact 6 – neither loyalty nor patience are a prevalent trait at Chelsea.

There is no doubt that Mourinho did well during his first period there but in reality how well?

To analyse this I assign points to the winning of various trophies and games as follows:

Winning the Champions League - 50 points

Winning the Premier League - 30 points

Wining the Europa League - 20

Wining the FA Cup - 10 points

Winning the League Cup - 7 points

Winning a Premiership game - 3 points

Drawing a Premiership game - 1 point

We then apply that to the remaining seven Chelsea managers and the following league table emerges:

Manager - games in charge – points for CL - points for PL - points for EL - points for FAC - points for LC - points for league wins - points for league draws

De Matteo - 42 - 50 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 10 - 0 - 72 - 9 Total 141 average per game 3.35

Mourinho - 185 0 - 60 - 0 - 10 - 7 - 372 - 40 Total - 489 - average per game 2.65

Hiddink 22 0 - 0 - 0 - 10 - 0 - 48 - 5 Total 53 average per game 2.40

Benitez 48 0 - 0 - 20 - 0 - 0 - 81 - 10 Total 111 average per game 2.31

Ancelloti 109 - 0 - 30 - 0 - 10 - 0 - 201 - 20 - Total 251 average per game 2.30

Grant 54 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 108 - 13 Total 121 average per game 2.24

Scholari 36 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 60 - 11 Total 71 average per game 1.97

Villa-Boas 40 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 57 - 11 Total 68 average per game 1.7

Thus Roberto de Matteo is Chelsea’s most successful manager or - if the credit for the Champions League win is allocated over a complete season - AVB might lift himself off the bottom of the table.

Fact 7 – Jose Mourinho’s record as Chelsea manager is not significantly better than that for others who succeeded him and is bettered by Roberto de Matteo.

Fact 8 – While Chelsea continually want more from their managers, Spurs appear to be willing to settle for mediocrity. Spurs have spent this season giving credit to AVB for what he has achieved (and this included two manager of the month awards) and his record is essentially the same as what he got canned for at Chelsea.

AVB at Chelsea 40 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 57 - 11 Total 68 average per game 1.7

AVB at Spurs 53 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 0 - 78 - 16 Total 94 average per game 1.77

Irrespective of my irrelevant argument and logic, the Special One will come marching into the Bridge one day very soon and the Chelsea fans will smile again. It is opportune that it will occur at a time when Manyoo and ManCitee will also have new managers – Mourinho might be able to capitalise on the upheaval at the Manchester clubs and push Chelsea back into the position their money deserves.

Surely jumping up and down about the Europa League shouldn't be keeping a club like this happy for too long.

Brusselsblue beware - voodoo comes back at you (alternatively titled "How he spent Thursday night")

How to make a Modern Voodoo Doll

Find a full-length photo of the person you're thinking about as you make the doll.

Print the photo on a sheet of photo transfer paper. Make it as large as you can.

Transfer the image onto ironed white fabric.

Cut around the person's shape, leaving space for a seam.

Cut the same shape out of a second piece of fabric.  This will form the back of your doll.

Sew the pieces together.

Turn the doll inside out carefully.

Stuff the doll.

Sew the stuffing hole closed.

Performing Actions on the Doll

Find pins with colored heads.  The color of the pin head represents the impact the pin will have.

Insert the pin in the area you wish to affect.

"Worry" your voodoo doll.   If you haven't used the doll in awhile, you can "reactivate" it by worrying - that is, sewing small items on the fabric, fussing with embellishments, or adding more stitches and ties.

Caution

Most voodoo sects emphasize that the actins you use the doll for will come back at you.  Think about it being like tying a rope to yourself and the other person.  Whatever happens to them willl affect you.

Serious genital discomfort?

Europa Cup Quarter-final draw

On the away leg difficulty scale Chelsea get Rubin Kazan - "Daunting" while Spurs get Basel -  "Potentially tricky".  Thankfully neither get "Welcome to Hell".

This one's for Mise le Meas

The best way to deal with adversity is to tackle it face on, as Gareth Bale is seen to be doing in the photo above.  Accept your defeat and move on.

Well done to Leeds, the romance of the Cup is still alive and best of luck at the Itihad in the next round. 

For Spurs, the old cliche - at least that distraction is out of the way and so to the pursuit of the Champions League 4th place spot.  

One nil, and we fucked it up....

Toffees put Southern Softies to Sword

More photos from the weekend to come but for now just the one - Jelavic's goal in the 93rd minute which sealed victory for the Blues.  Ground open up and swallow me.

Gareth Bale 2 Charlie Adam 1

Great to see Wales beating Scotland (Charlie Adam et al) on Friday night - particularly with the majesty of Gareth Bale's second goal.

Bale and Adam have "previous" - notably on two occasions when Adam the supposed hardman tried to end Bale's career simply because he's too good for the Scottish journneyman.

For Blackpool at the Lane:

and then for Liverpool in a pre-season friendly (yes a friendly) in the US.:

The winning Bale goal on Friday was so appropriate - fouled cynically by Adam, he received the ball from the free-kick and drilled the ball  from 25 yards past the Scottish keeper as Adam desperately tried to keep up and lunged at him just as he struck the ball.  Superb.

Now we may have developed a concern over some of Bale's antics on occasions recently, when his behaviour is compared with that of Adam, there's only one outcome.

Progress report - everyone is on the credit list so far

The 1st of October and the serious stuff is starting. We are now on the run-in.

Top marks to David Moyes and the Everton boys – it eventually looks as though you are going to mount a serious challenge for a Champions League / Top 6 spot (delete one as appropriate). Jelavic looks to have been a quality buy and the air of confidence floating around Goodison may be self-fulfilling. Maybe their early exit from the League Cup will actually work in their favour.

AVB at Spurs has moved from being the unwanted man to the enigma, with very few of us knowing what he is truly capable of. A stunning win at Old Trafford answers some of the critics but there remain serious doubts as to his style of play and his ability to get the players to execute on it. A few shrewd buys (Dembele and Vertonghen catch the eye) have masked the departure of Modric well.

Chelsea move on with monotonous intent. And why not – aren’t they Champions of Europe? Saturday’s win at Goonerland was the first real challenge they have had nevertheless and it remains to be seen how they fare when the going gets tougher. October 20 at the Lane should be interesting. Despite any doubts we may have, the destiny of the League must surely be a matter between themselves and City.

Leeds – great win over Everton and it does not appear as though they’re letting the Cup run (?) distract them from the bread and butter of the Championship. Silly results like losing at home to Hull need to be eradicated but Warnock still appears to have the nous to get them back up to the top level. It’s been such a long time.

                      

Let's ramp it up, team.

Here we go again

A few games into the Premiership and plaudits to Moyes and his bunch of journeymen at Goodison.  Two tremendous results reverses their normal early season form and must surely give them the confidence to push on and aim for a top six finish.

Good start for Leeds as welll, in a season which is likely to be challenging, if only because of the number of evenly matched teams in the Championship.  Play-offs beckon.

Poor start for Spurs and the unrest over AVB commences.  More modest sights have been set at the Lane than in pror years.  Will we finish above previously mediocre teams like Everton?

And finaly another good start for Chelski although not the hardest set of fixtures.  Closer inspection to come although if Torres keeps his shooting boots on maybe anything is possible.

How about this?

1. Man City
2. Chelsea
3. Man United
4. Arsenal
5. Liverpool
6. Newcastle
7. Spurs
8. Everton

Auf Wiedersehen, Pet

Dear Tim

So you are leaving us. There is something you should know before you go to pastures new. Firstly I am normally very unforgiving of any player who gives up, on his own volition, the opportunity to wear the Everton shirt. Secondly and thinking back to your arrival on Merseyside, I was not your biggest fan. A “Socceroo” from Milwall did not, to put it mildly, get my juices flowing. Getting sent off in your first game, albeit for over celebrating a goal against Man Utd, only confirmed my fears that you would be a one season disaster best suited to scrapping against Southend rather then gracing the “Old Lady”.

Not sure when my views changed. Cannot recall if it was a gradual appreciation of if it happened all of a sudden. Maybe it was the derby game against Liverpool as you pummeled the corner flag having scored the equalizer. Or was it when I saw you in the stand at Goodison with your two young boys watching Everton v Sunderland when you were injured. The over-head goal at Stamford Bridge that had my Chelsea loving mate close to tears. It does not really matter when or how and I want to keep this short and to the point because I am in danger of dropping a few tears myself. The point is this. Thank you. Thanks for the 68 goals. For your never say die spirit. For your love of and dedication to our football club. For being a true and honest professional. For being one of us.

Wishing you and your family much success and happiness in New York. Hope those corner flags have been prepared for your arrival.

Sincerely

Brusselsblue

Dear Ledley,

So you are leaving us. Or should I say you’re leaving us in a playing capacity, yet thankfully staying as a Spurs ambassador, and as an inspiration to those who believe football still attracts people who value the principles of loyalty and commitment.

In fifteen years at Spurs you only got to play 315 times (an average of 21 a season) and you have only one winners and two runners up medals (all in the Carling Cup) to show for your endeavors. But behind those statistics lies the true story.

You committed your playing career to our club and every time you played you were an inspiration to everyone else wearing the shirt, whether on or off the field. Your well-publicized dicky knee never stopped you demonstrating how good you were – incomparable in the Premiership, even in the presence of stalwarts such as Terry, Ferdinand and the like. Not fit to lace your boots, not one of them.

You came as another left – Sol Campbell – and you gave us back everything he took away. You were honest, truthful, and you expressed gratitude for the chance our club gave you. "I have been here since I was a boy, I have always considered it my club and have always found it hard to imagine myself wearing the shirt of another team" – your words will ensure you are revered at White Hart Lane for centuries to come.

Ledley, we know you could easily have chosen to drop down a division and play out a few more years in the Endsleigh League or equivalent. Go through the motions and collect the wages in the easiest manner possible. Then drift into management on the basis that if you were that good on the pitch, you must know a bit about management.

But no, you chose to assume an ambassadorial role at Spurs and work on local community liaison. How fitting a choice. In an area devoid of role models, where social dysfunctionality is the norm, football can inspire and your involvement will surely lead to a greater hope for a lot of kids. Well done, my son, you made the right choice again.

Thanks for the memories.

Yiddo.

Dear Didier,

So you are leaving us.   You big fat greedy prick, you’ve buggered off to China to line your pockets with more money and to kiss the shirt of the Hzechuan Province, or whomever else you’re pledging allegiance to for the next few years.

I hope you fucking choke on the first egg fried rice to pass down your greasy windpipe.

Best regards,

Chelski

I know Samways was ugly but do we need this?

The Premier League's initial official photograph of the bold Vinny, complete with Warren Barton's bollix.

It's been nice knowing you

Gossip suggests the following sequence:

Harry favourite for the England job, Spurs offer him a three year contract (to protect their interests) and Harry refuses – because it might make it too costly for England to take him.

Hodgson gets England job, Harry walks in to Spurs and says I’ll have that three year contract now, Spurs say no.

Harry walks.

So how do I feel about the departure?

For two years running he allowed the team to blow up in the final run-in and miss their “deserved” CL spot. This year the fault was not in letting Chelsea edge them in Munich but earlier, by allowing the Arse back into third spot, when at one stage we were 11 points clear of them. . Last year a succession of home draws against the W’s (Wolves, West Ham, Wigan) and others dross, meant City pipped us in the final few weeks. So football success or failure? Very debatable.

Harry’s transfer dealings, from a football perspective purely, were also questionable – particularly mid-season when strong reinforcements were needed to consolidate the early season strong performances. This year in January in came the like of Ryan Nelson and Louis Saha and out went Super Pavylchenko. Amid all the “temporary” signings, he failed to adequately address areas of weakness (central defence notably).

Moving away from scrutiny of Redknapp’s tactical acumen, Levy insists on maintaining financial discipline at Tottenham and won’t be bullied in this regard. Maximum wage rates at Tottenham refer. Now ultimately we’re back to the repetitive issue of finances driving football (and Tottenham’s policies are simply the opposite of Man City and Chelsea ) and thus arguably the wrong reason for personnel change, but nevertheless you have to respect Levy’s approach and you also have to admire him standing up to the globally likeable ‘Arry, peoples favourite and all that. At the back of all this, you have to believe that Levy has a plan and knows what he’s doing.

For this reason there’s no despair or depression as Harry leaves, just a wave and a thanks for the memory, and Rosie, dear Rosie, we will all miss you.

Since Harry’s departure then Bale has extended his contract which is extremely positive or alternatively more shrewd financial work by Levy again. The Redknapp team are being cleared out and also some of the squad hangers-on (a la Corluka). Hopefully we’ll get a new boss in soon and we’ll address the signings early this summer rather than in the week before the season starts. And then a season free of bungs, tax cases and dogs pissing in the kit bag.

Roll on the new season.

And somewhere in the crowd, there's you

You're Spurs and you know you are

Oldest trick in the book - lull the keeper into a false sense of security with chants of "You're Spurs and you know you are", "Yiddo" and "England, England's number one" and then sit back and watch as he loses concentration and dreamily fails to cover the far post at the free kick.

Then watch him make a despairing attempt to stop Kyle Walker's thunderbolt from hitting the back of the net.

Sprus 2 Blackburn 0

Why, why, why, Delilah?

Stoke City doing what they do well at the Lane last night. A frustrating night.

Ten people I'd love to have met - Alfie Conn

I thinking of the ten people I’d love to meet / have met, the list wouldn’t be right if there wasn’t a Spurs hero in there. Let’s face it by my current estimation thinking about Spurs accounts for about 30% of my waking time.

The player I have gone for is not one of the established stars but he is repeatedly top of the Spurs fans voting charts as ultimate club cult hero. He also hit my consciousness at a very, very relevant stage of my life, in the final months leading up to the Leaving Certificate (trauma number 1) and as Spurs faced relegation for the first time since I was born (trauma number 2). I dealt with the first trauma myself and Alfie Conn sorted out the second one for me.

The Spurs fansite mehstg (my eyes have seen the glory) in its’ tribute to Alfie describes the run-in to the 74/5 season well and the matches referred to are vividly etched in my mind – so much so that I can remember where I was when the results came. Sweetest, for obvious reasons was the Chelsea game, which was followed on the radio in Rich Hudson’s house in Waltham Terrace.

From mehstg:

Spurs were in desperate trouble during that season, but Alfie managed to keep the crowd enthralled by his brilliant skills and flair. He scored a sensational goal as Spurs beat Wolves 3-0 at the Lane and was absolutely brilliant throughout the game, leaving Spurs just six games to go to stay up. A 1-0 away win at QPR was followed by a 2-1 home win over Luton. When Spurs went on to lose 2-3 at Burnley, things looked bad. However, Alfie lifted Spurs to great heights in the next game at home to Chelsea when 50,998 watched the game. Chelsea had both the Wilkins brothers in their team, with a young Ray Wilkins as captain. His brother, Graham was sent off and Spurs survived the pressure well to win 2-0 with Alfie Conn again brilliant in his dribbling and shooting and creating chances for the others from the wing.

Now there were just two games to go. A 0-1 reverse at Highbury against Arsenal left Tottenham having to win the last game of the season to stay up. It was at home to Leeds on Monday 28th April and Leeds had a European final to play later that week. Spurs were absolutely brilliant that night and Alfie's skills inspired Spurs to a 4-2 win and he bagged one of the goals. The others were scored by Cyril Knowles (2) and Martin Chivers.

It had been a breathtaking end to the season and Alfie had been in inspiring form as Spurs stayed up. Conn had made 17 League starts in the season and scored six goals. The next season Alfie suffered an injury and made just eight appearances in the starting line-up as Spurs finished 9th. His final season for Spurs was in 1976-7, when he made just 13 appearances.

Conn was a maverick, with dirty unkempt looks which embraced sideburns and long hair (a la 70’s) and an individual style of play which actually promised the unpredictable. The kind of skill that is beaten out of players nowadays. He was lovingly and humorously arrogant, not in a manner that is spawned by continual success but more out from an apathetic I don’t give a damn attitude. Robin Friday springs to mind.

Surprisingly Conn was Bill Nicholson’s last signing for Spurs and he also chose Celtic ahead of Rangers when leaving England to go back north purely because of the influence of Jock Stein. A peculiar affinity between two hard-working gentlemen of the game and the wayward genius. In many ways, not dissimilar from Best’s relationship with Matt Busby.



And so, Alfie, great to meet you, tell me about your days at Spurs………...

Ten short years

And what of Everton this week? An abject performance against Liverpool and further proof that they appear to be able to do everyone a favour except themselves. Victories against City, Chelsea and Spurs are laudable but must be viewed in tandem with countless derby failures over the years and poor results against weaker teams - this season home defeats to QPR, Bolton and Stoke and draws against Blackburn and Norwich have cost them 13 points. Thirteen points would put them above Chelsea and in Champions League contention.

And then there's the debate about Moyes and his future at the club after ten years. Rumour suggests Spurs are likely to come knocking once Harry follows the yellow brick road. Does Moyes want to aim for something higher or is he afraid of a challenge which no longer has the excuse trapdoor of "no funds available".

His coaching style is apparently totally contrary to Redknapp's, focusing on discipline and rigidity in structure. Harry as we've seen with Bale and Van der Vaart prefers to allow his players greater flexibility in where they go and, as evidenced by his continuous decisions to play Modric out of position, expects the players to be able to adapt to the situations evolving around them. Moyes is regimented, Harry flamboyant and I'm not talking here about paying taxes.

I have to think that Moyes to Spurs would be a bad match for both parties - Moyes is too honest and genuine a man for Spurs, and Spurs are too good a footballing organisation for Moyes. Neither deserve each other. Hopefully sense will prevail.